Lost

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.”

I could simple say I'm lost...

Feel there is nothing but shame.

I'm done with my life...Is just never the same back home

Wherever I go there is some asshole like to look right and left

then touch you all of the sudden

The fear of it, the phobia is getting bad..

I ran into you,

I called you, I tried to talk to someone about it

But...

You choose to ignore..

What am I to you? You break my heart

Even though you are not mine, but...still I feel depressed 

I will leave you alone

Set you free...

你真的好残忍...

只想要你一点的在乎，有怎么难吗？

只要你说一些鼓励的话，你却不理不睬

抱歉，自己太在乎你了

爱情，再见..

幸福，我告退了...

Heart Speak

 

我承认我喜欢Senior

只是我不知道怎么开口

因为一旦说了"我喜欢你"

会改变了我们之间的友情..

Senior，你在Facebook说你喜欢直接

可是我就是行动证明我对你的喜欢

为什么你就是看不清？

为什么我那么难过？

为什么我那么的想念你？

I really like you a lot,

is just difficult to put in to words

I don't just want to say: "Senior，I like you"

Words are just words, but Action means everything...

why can't you see my action? Why can't you see how I feel?

I miss you till I fall for you...

I drenched in your love, I no longer able to hold myself back...

Emiko..

Don't care too much

 

I sick and tired of caring for people who is not worth it

I really sick of caring.

Is just like I can't find the right ways to change myself

I get influence easily

I'm not as good as others to avoid or even talked back

I always think my weak points more then my advantage

Yes, I craving for someone to love me

but the problem is I'm too picky 

I can't just listen to some guy said "I Love You" then I will accept them

That is not the way.

I'm so emotional & sensitive 

why everything turn out so complicated?

Why can't life be more easier?

Why my life is like a black hole?

My world is so black...when can I see the light again?

I trying to control myself.

But every time I do I forgot everything 

and just move to my old self again.

Can I change for the better me?

I want to be more confident within myself

I want to be more beautiful for myself

I want to have a person who accept and love me for the way I am.

If u love about how i look, well Fuck you.

I don't need that kind of attention.

I want honesty, I want true caring, I want to be free to be everything I am

Lord please give me the strength to carry on...

I'm sick of caring for people and being so invisible by others...

Please make my life interesting

Please let me have some good attention.

Actions is louder then words

 

This few days I'm going crazy..

Safety ain't an easy subject at all..

worries for me, I don't understand the topic..

Instructor Mr. Ahmad he really is pro while he speaks English

First person speak so fluently, but one thing is he explain too fast...

and my brain goes...."what? What did you say?"

Aiks...

I need to brush up soon as possible!

One more thing I worry about,

wondering why senior is like not responding my comments on Facebook

and Messages in Line or Talkbox.

Did I do something wrong?

Did I bother him too much?

Or he knows how I feel about him??

I don't know, my questions cannot be answered...

Where are you? Why aren't you replying me?

Please don't avoid me =(

20th Birthday

Firstly, Happy Birthday to myself

celebrated in Kuwait for me, I feel lonesome..

To be frank, I don't really enjoyed my birthday

People around me, even though they celebrated my birthday,

I just don't feel happy as the way I should have been...

but I'm grateful  for the surprise they gave me, 

Yasmeen & the others, my colleagues brought me a birthday PIE?!

Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.=)

I would like to thank my senior,

who gave me advices, motivate me, lift up my strengths,

is nice to hear his voice

He even wish me Happy Valentine's Day

 & Happy Birthday

I'm completely moved & touched 

I miss him so much,

I didn't get the chance to confess my feelings towards him, 

I'm a coward when it comes to love especially.

"Senior, thanks for motivating me. IMY"

Second is my aunt,

she is the first family member who wished me Happy Birthday

I really do miss her as well, for 17th Years of my life

she watched me grow up, she knows my character..

The best birthday gift ever!

 I LOVE YOU AUNT!

I'll do my best to go through this course

and enjoy my life. Peace ;)

Emiko

Recent plans

 

What I plan before, all goes haywire

All I wanted is just a simple request

Don't no why faith play with me this days.

Pass present to Senior also so difficult 

Then coming tuesday I'm having a Cabin Crew Interview

Great, I didn't do any preparation, damn up sad this days

Hope faith is on my side again,

I beg of you, just give me a chance to be happy,

give a chance to feel satisfied.

I give 100percent of trust and faith,

Hopefully luck turns around =')

Emiko

Screw up

 

I just had an accident.

Of all days. Why must today? Why now?

I was on my way driving to the LRT Station with my mom,

I have class.

While I was driving in the beginning,

everything went smoothly like the usual,

Suddenly there is a car in front of me stop all of the sudden

because of a traffic light then I also stopped with 40km miles per hour

then a motorcyclist bang behind me and got injured...

His nose bridge had a slide injury keep bleeding

I got panic and don't no what to do

I felt bad...lucky my mom beside me all else I gone insane.

It was awful...I'm felt terrible...i didn't know what happened.

Why things happened to me so fast...

I drove about 2 months then car accident happened to me today.

I'm so worried, I'm felt sorry and guilty for what happened today 

=(

Emiko

Complicated

 

 This few days I been thinking a lot,

about college, work, and personal problems

I feel like want to collapse somehow

But there is no way to hide.

I'm worried for my result for exams,

as I didn't do much studying -.-

Intro to business and Principles of management

I wonder if I'll pass. Seriously worry.

cause if I fail I don't no what to do. =(

Why I entered college?

Just for a diploma..-.-

Working benefits

Earn money with a lower positions work your way up

Oh dear, why I keep on thinking to quit my studies

and just wanted to take makeup course instate

Full of questions without answers!

 My parents, my relatives, my grandparents...

I just wanna say I'm sorry I did not put more effort in my studies and exams

Emo mode =(

Emiko

College Life

College Life

One word: T.I.R.E.D!

Now I having issues of my dad again..

Sigh..he keep complaining the course I'm taking,

Keep saying the negativity of hotel management.

I mean come on, why are you giving me pressure?

Now only you tell me, you don't want me to enter Hotel Management

I've entered one class and now? I'm doom.

Keep asking me are you sure you want to take hotel management seriously

Actually I'm a bit interested in Hotel Management, 

then my dad call me to change to Business Admin or Marketing

   

OMG, You have no idea I have no interest for marketing,

Business Admin? TOTALLY NOT INTERESTED

I done badly for my perdagangan during form 4/5

how am I suppose to cope with college?

Personal opinion,

actually I want to take up make up, facial or even health benefits

I'm interested in health care & beauty

But you know parents could against course that is non famous

my dad this days keep saying hotel management is like this, like that then bla bla bla

Sigh...I really don't get it.

Why can't you support me for the choice I chose?

You want me to take marketing,

okay I've no interest in doing this course is like an idea course

need to give opinions and what kind of product, what's are the benefits of the product

I'm not confident enough to take marketing,

I don't want to take marketing just so I can meet up with my senior or so.

I don't want to make a wrong choice.

I've made a mistake for studying accounting during secondary,

Lucky I can escape during filling up the SPM Form.

*Thank God*

And Now, God testing my patience

Face marketing and hotel management.

GOD, PLEASE DON'T MAKE MY LIFE SO DIFFICULT!

I'M DYING HERE MAN. PLEASE FOCUS ON ME =(

Senior, 

 I  really need your help right now =(

Emiko

The TRUTH

I don't want to post this but I really can't resist it.

I gonna tell the TRUTH

(To the bitches that is so call "friend", read carefully!)

I really pissed off when I found out,

I've gone easy on you, I've control my patience

 But no more!

Bloggers/Readers,

Let me ask you guys a question

have you known a friend since secondary, actually pretend to support you

treat you nicely and talk nice in front of you?

 And after that they talk bad things behind your back without knowing?

I already know you're such a fake, but still I go easy on you

and your minion is such a b*tch as well.

My God, how stupid I am to even be friends with both you for all this years

I'm glad God opened up my eyes!

With a friendship that is a fake

This is call "friends"! 

What have I done to offend you? Tell me?

Firstly I'm a person that had a bad primary/secondary school life memory that I don't want to recall

The fight, accused, judgement, especially the LIES

For 9years I suffer from the pain, frankly I don't blame my past

it actually made me a better person, teaches me to be strong for the future.

  But I thought you guys are different, the first moment that we're in the same class during form 4

I remembered we had our ups and downs, and we settle it together.

We work hard on our projects that teacher gave, we had lots of teamwork

This is not the 1st time you guys hurt me,

the 1st time I forgave you guys and just forget it

2nd time I still believe that you guys had reason behind, 

yet I still believed and trust you guys

3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th,7th................(uncountable)

You guys meant everything to me 

I put my dignity, trust and effort to make this friendship worked

and yet you guys still hurt me. Except for Michelle.

 I understand you because you need to protect your partner from getting hurt, 

I don't blame you, I don't hate you at all.

But those two b*tches I can't accept!

both of you, like to tease people, and make fun of people

talk bad things behind people's back.

This kind of friend I rather not have.

   C'- You're a person with big boobs, chubby body, from head to toe. 

You like to express yourself as the "perfect girl in the world".

Because you keep bla..bla..bla on a lot of boys chasing you.

You also tease other people's imperfections and compare about it

(I used to don't care about it, because you're a friend, but now. Sorry I can't take it anymore)

Yes, you have the boobs, you also tease me by saying I have "none".

You even address me as "Tiang" by saying I'm thin as a "Tiang" with no body   

I'm fine with that, but have you ever heard of a quote?

"NOBODY IS PERFECT IN THIS WORLD!"

 If you didn't please refer to Google =)

For W- Well for me you're almost the same as C.

But you way worst then her, skipping school, talk bad about people as well

including C. But C doesn't know about it.

One word for you, GROW UP!

You say you hate name that got E...let me tell you

The Letter "E. Do you know what word that express the letter "E?

E- Elegant, Energetic, Especially, Expression..

I love my name, no matter how much you tease about it

I'm still me. So F**K OFF will you? =) *PEACE

Do you know there is another reason that I don't studied the same college as you?

Because I don't wanna see your faces,

 I don't wanna hear you blaming and blabbing about me include other people.

I've already acknowledged you being a backstabber.

I known for so long, but I just kept my month shut for the sake of your image.

The moment we graduate from secondary school 

I have made my decision to studied in a different college.

Thanks to a friend from Facebook introduce me to Segi College

And another thing Facebook. 

Do you know why I didn't approve your friend requests? 

Or even block you guys? Because I rather have space for the people who appreciates me 

and truly be friends with me without a doubt.

I don't need friends that reminds me about my past.

I don't care if you say I'm a coward or what so ever

For now I just want to start my new life in college,

Live peacefully leave the past behind.

If you dislike me, or you hate me please click the [X] button

thanks a lot.

Lots love,

Emiko

When problem comes

I been stressful this days,

About my driving tests, my college life, most of all my dad

I have the feeling I can handle with passing my driving license,

just needs lots of practice, and lots of guts to drive smoothly

Just wish me luck!

My college life in Segi college is about to start,

I'm nervous about it, cause nobody I know there, expect my senior.

Man, have to be cool with new life here.

My dad giving me pressure,

complains about my results and my choice of college I'm going

He thinks that people goes to Tar College are excellent student?

I can't get in and he gives me this look,

 and keep comparing me and my friends that went to Tar. 

I mean come on, Tar College is just a college in Malaysia,

Not really famous also, I couldn't believe he use my friends that studied Tar 

and compare with other people that didn't got in. AKA me.

Means college like Taylor's, Nilai, Sunway College is nothing is it?

F**K

What's that suppose to mean,

I realize my dad doesn't accept me for the way I am,

I'm not good enough to praise in front of his friends

I'm not smart enough for him that made him disappointed 

I'm nothing for him to talk about to my relatives

This is me, 

If you can't accept the way I am,

Sorry dad, I don't give a damn about it

If I make you embarrass in front of your coworkers, 

your friends, or your brothers and sisters.

Forgive me, and please don't mention you got a daughter like me.

Is not that I wanted to hate you,

is the words you've said to me, make me depress and feel bad about myself

please treat me as a invisible daughter.

I don't blame you. 

Lucky I have my mom and my brother that supports me,

and accepts me for the way I am.

Thanks to my aunt that be there for me when I needed her,

每当困难宽饶我，

我会想着你，听着之前录过你的声音

当作安慰自己的鼓励，谢谢你 ♥

 Emiko    

Feelings towards you

It's been a tough month.

How's everyone? I hope you guys out there are well.

This few days, I made lots of mistakes. Mistakes that are stupid enough to get myself in trouble.

When people say, I had forgotten...

When people say, I'm over it

When people say, I'm not gonna think about it

When people say, nope his just a jerk what should I care?

All lies.

I do care. I don't wanna lie anymore.

I still care for him. But it doesn't mean I gonna do something about it.

Cause it doesn't change anything. He wants freedom, I gave it to him.

I've been adding people that matual friends with my friends

Is actually fun to add. And get to know people randomly.

It's hard to find true friends in the internet,

 but I just wanna seal up my loneliness and sadness.

Now I realize I should keep a low profile,

because they're assholes. I mean real assholes.

You see I gone out to had my phone fix few days ago and there is this guy from facebook

wanted to meet me, is a coincidence that we're at the same location

I regreted. Why I met this guy in the first place.

Simply put it, I thought I can meet a guy like HIM (EX).

But I was wrong, how stupid I am.

He is totally different the way I expected.
He is rude and immature.
Simply do things that makes me wanna punch him
The worst guy I ever met. This is not my cup of tea!

I can comfirm that I can't truly love a person now.

because I'm not over my ex yet.

The person that i thought he was, I miss him. The old him.

But life goes on, maybe someone can make me even happier than he can?

I just need someone to talk to. Just to occupied my negative thoughts

I can't stay silent and doing nothing. I have to voice out. Talk to someone litterary.

The only person I can voice out and express my feelings to is my aunt.

But I can't count on her all the time, she also have work to.

I don't wanna make her worried.

I tried to make friends. Friends that is worth to make.

Hope God give me a chance with a little bit of help and luck =)

My mood right now with this song

You said you needed a little time for my mistakes

It's funny how you used that time to have me replaced

What you doin'to me

You're taking her where we used to go

Now if you're tryin' to break my heart

It's working cause you know that

That should be me holding your hand

That should be me making you laugh

That should be me this is so sad

That should be me feeling your kiss

That should be me

To him that I thought he was from me

That should be me in your arms, ILY..IMY  =(

 



 

Misses you,

Emiko

Will it be my turn?



Everyone had a love one;

or a special someone in their hearts..

sometimes I even asked myself, will I be love like the way in books of fairy tales?

or maybe is just thinking too much again?

When you meet a special person, you will feel something that you didn't felt before

of course, I had that feeling once. Only once.

But it's a long time ago.

When he/she hurts you, you will remember the pain..

When he/she lies to you, you will feel insecure and you'll think too much

When he/she done something that makes you happy, you will remember it forever.

As for me,

I got to be honest, my hate for him is growing stronger.

I don't blame him, It's just my own problem

I'm down with love games. I'm done.

After all who can ever understand how I feel.

No one but myself.

Love there is a Lie

Love there is Pain

Love there is hurt one and other

The true meaning of love is learn to love and be loved in return."

I'm tired of games,

I'm tired of thinking love right now.

After all I'm just a silly girl with bunch of imaginations.

Pretty? I wish.

Beautiful? On the inside I think I am

To my Prince Charming,

Who ever you are, I hope we might meet each other.

Get to know each other and help one another.

See you, One day..

A Song for you: I just haven't met you yet

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life 

And I know that we can be so amazing

And, baby, your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

 

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet...

 

Yours Truthly,

Emiko



眼泪

我是怎么了？

一直为了某些事

掉眼泪

这几天

生病到很严重

咳嗽到不像样

伤风到冒冷汗

这几天我变成

“爱哭宝”

好像我快被打败的感觉

我到底怎么了

我也不知道

我就是那么脆弱

说过要坚强一点

要学会独立

可是

我还是胆小

我讨厌这样的自己

我也是个自私的人

属于我的东西就是我的！

没有得到我的允许碰我的东西

我十分不爽

我就是这幅德行

从小就这样

我不喜欢跟别人share东西的

感觉孤单的时候

我特别爱着怪自己

想很多自己的缺点

我很想要一个拥抱

我想要感到安全感

我需要有人安慰我

我好寂寞，好寂寞

我好压力，好难过

我不要同情

最讨厌就是同情

对不起

我控制不到自己的情绪

写那么Emo的Post

I wish I could be happier,

even though is just a minute or two.

-Emiko.T

I'm stress out

Money

Who doesn't want money?

How much money can I affort?

I don't no..

I really stress out...

Stress out in tears.

I always think buying something that I wanted

Just go ahead and buy without thinking

But now,

when i think I going to buy something that is over RM1K

I blured out.

I kept thinking

Why RM1K such a small digit for me

BUT, with so many bank notes to pay

Im going to turn 9teen and yet,

now having money problem...=(

I promised my parents that I would give them money

when I work and get my salary

Till now, 

I still haven't done what I said.

I like to think big that I can buy anything,

but now, I can't even effort to pay.

My mind is so blank

I don't no how to overcome this pressure

THE STRESS is so hard to handle