♥ Hope I get well soon

After that day of misery

I really cried a lot and make myself exhausted.

When to class.

My friends keep asking me

"Emiko, what's wrong with you? Your eyes are red and bengkak"

"Are you ok? I see like you going to pengsan"

"What happened? Something bothering you?"

I keep holding my tears to fall..

But I fail. I just keep crying and crying.

And my friends do their best to clam me with hugs and advice

and I end up cried to I fall asleep for nearly 5 hours

><

I really tired...

till I feel like the world is like the end

Sometimes when I walk also need my friend accompany me

Cause I fell down the stairs without seeing.

Can't even feel the pain...

My friends wouldn't even let me walk home

They insisted to drive me home instate

But I didn't wanna to go home

So I stay with Christin's house

And Christin called my mom to not worry

because we have to discuss our projects 

so need to stay with her for a few days

What a great lie..= =

But I feel guilty about it

I didn't went to class for 3 days

Have a headache and felt dizzy

Thanks Christin, Michelle and Wendy 

for taking care of me. Especially Christin

Sorry give you problems during the night 

when I had bad dreams and scream in tears 

But I can't tell you guys my problems

cause if I tell I would cry...

I don't want you guys to worry

And you guys will complain and say the things I don't want to hear

So best to keep in silents.

And I wanna thank JianLin for chating with me

during the night it self.

"Thanks Babee Panda~"

And QV jie.

thanks for the worries, I will tell you about it

whenever I can. I just need time to absorb and heal myself

Hope jie won't mind =)  

That's all I share for today

Peace through out the day***

♥ WHY????

Why...

Why you have to tell me this?

Why you check the information that I don't want to hear

Why?

Why you telling me this?

Why you check his where abouts

WHY!!!!!!!!!

Why you being so kepo?

Why!!!!

Why you being so busybody?

did I call you to do this?

DID I ask you to?

I didn't even want this

Why you making things so complicated?

Why my tears keep falling?

WHY????

Why my heart hurts?

Why am I being so naive?

I really thought if I just believe 

everything will turn out ok...

I really thought if I just control myself

everything will go smoothly

I really thought if I don't bother him

he won't not hate me

I really thought I can break my friends judgement that they said before

BUT. It's me the one being the stupid girl

WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE?

WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME?

WHY?

WHY?

WHY?

I feel like dying...

without him is like without air to breathe

I feel so insecure

I don't no what I will do

I afraid I might hurt myself and didn't know what I was doing

Can I run away from here?

Can I leave this place?

Can I disappear?

I don't no how I can handle this situation

Maybe I need to just shut myself again

In the dark alone. 

As I said before

My problems I bear it myself

It's my decision

对不起，是我一厢情愿

我对不起你，也对不起自己

我就是单纯，懦弱

早上你说的话

真的让你说中了 

恭喜你。

Emiko在你心中，到此为此

♥ Thinking too much

x

Just because of one sentence 

came right through your mouth

You make me feel like a useless person

a person who is not needed

a person who can't count on

Why are you making me feel bad about myself?

Why?

Have I suffer enough?

I already have patient with you

I already try to be clam 

BUT I can't do it anymore

I just can't stand it any longer

I didn't ate anything this morning...

learn to fast like the Muslims I think?

don't even have the appetite to eat 

Keep thinking here and there

I done so much things

try to help my friends from sadness with advices

But why I can't help myself?

Why unhappy things happened to me?

What I do to deserve this?

Have I done wrong?

Have I've been selfish?

I keep on trying to forget the things you said to me this morning

It seems that it's harder than I thought it would be

I'm hurt.

I don't no what to do...

I want to bet a chance

A chance that would lead me to an answer..

Can I get my answer if I ask?

Will you answer?

It's really important to me.

❤ Love in Disguise

21st August 2010

Went to Wangsa Walk

with Edward and my bro

woke up late...>m<

11 sumthing only wake up

cause last night sleep around 2am

Suppose to eat branch together

but Edward suddenly invite his friends

without telling us..

My bro and I were quite piss off

3:30pm

My bro having music lesson with Godmom

so left me alone 

I decided to watch movie while waiting for their lesson to end

I watch this

"Love in Disguise"

So romantic and funny

LeeHom sings one of his songs

I feel the love feeling around me

even though I watch alone.

He's music really heals me

Makes me feel that I'm not alone

I feel very touch when I watch this.

You guys should watch. It's worth it. :)

This is the song

“你不知道的事”

6:30pm

My bro class ended.

Then went back home 

suddenly I had a headache

feel cold all of a sudden

Keep using my blanket to keep me warm

maybe I been in the cinema room for too long 

freezing. Lolz

After that msn with JianLin

cause having stress need someone to talk

she also having a hard time with her bf 

She makes me worried

I hope she's fine. 

Cause she slept late last night

"Babe please don't make yourself unhappy 

don't cry

You make me worried about you last night

Please get some rest if you're tired. ok?

❤Today❤

Went market with Dad around 10:30++am

he wanted to buy breakfast and ABC's soup ingredients

So I followed keep Dad company

I don't why, finish buying things in market

suddenly I felt dizzy then my eyes became blur

blackout.>.<

Feel like want to faint

so I squat down and relax awhile

Dad is worried about me

Sorry Daddy...I give you trouble

Then I quickly went and sit in dad's car

Got no strength and my head is spining

While dad is drove me home

I was close my eyes and rest awhile

Luckily reach home

I feel better. 

  

I don't matter what you say 

you have no right to talk about my Bii

You know nothing about him

so Shut your F***King mouth

all else I going to slap you right on the face.

Hope for the Best

Sometimes I think of disappearing

hide somewhere that nobody knows me

I guess hiding is not a solution

Why I feel hatred?

Wanna ask you guys, 

am I such a troublesome girl?

Do I make you guys annoyed?

Why I feel like all the people around me

like to pretend? Saying that they care but they didn't

 I hate people say things and just forget about it

I didn't say I am pretty nor perfect

I just want to love myself

accept myself for who I am.

You think you're prettier than me

then how pretty you are?

Tell me? I want to know ^-^

When I hangout with you and a few friends,

it makes us uncomfortable

you keep hugging here and there with your BF. That's fine.

 But please don't 撒娇 in front of us when we eat la.

I know you're happy. No need to keep praising your bf

say how lucky you are...and blar blar blar

Not just that

You even criticize me having small breast

and say no boys chase me because I don't have the body

I know you have big breast la

You got the body. 

But you keep hurting my feelings

saying all the negative things that I don't want to hear

I'm just a normal girl.

I don't have the body, I'm ain't pretty.

I just average.

And on top of that I don't need you to introduce guys to me

I don't need your pity

Even you introduce, you surely intro your bf's friends

Those smoking & saying bad words type of guy

Sorry. I'm not interested. 

I already have someone in my heart that's enough for me

I don't need others, I just need him. Only Him.

I respect him for who he is.

Even though your bf better than him.

I don't care. As long as is him

I don't mind at all.

Not everyone are the same

Not everyone is perfect.

I just hope for the best

and be the best I am

It's the way I am

Sometimes I wonder,

why people like to crush another people's 

hopes and dreams

What you have that people don't have

Consider you lucky.

But it doesn't mean you have the right

to spoil people's desire

Few days ago

my sister Qv & Chery

having problems with their life.

I try my best to help them 

I learn that most people

are selfish enough to judge people for their

looks, the way they dress, the way they see others

Beauty is just an image to pleased people

doesn't mean their perfect in every way

And another thing

Do not judge Fat people

they are special in their own ways

I dislike judging 

because I was an obsessed myself

65kg at the age of 12

For 4 years,

I motivate myself to exercise

and gone to gym, stop eating fast food, gas drinks

after that the portion that I ate begin to get little by little

I strongly admit 

 I wanted to be slim & pretty myself as well.

But, be pretty in my own way, my own style

Please stop judging people if you don't know them

Nobody is perfect in this world

Special thanks to Wardy

You help me when I was having trouble in my life

You gave me advice and you save me from the dark.

You teach me not to trust people fully, you opened up my eyes

Thanks Wardy =)

   

_____________________________________________

To one of my friend

Sometimes I can't tell you things

if I tell you, you sure will say

"Why you love him? His a nobody"

"This type of person can throw in the dustbin"

"Go find a guy more handsome than him la, other guys better"

"Anyhow my bf is way better than him"

I don't mind his looks

I don't mind what kind of person he is

I don't mind his a nobody to you, 

BUT he is a SOMEBODY to me

You can't change my feelings for him

it is not for you to decide, 

IT'S MY DECISIONS TO MAKE, NOT YOURS. 

I don't like people judging him,

 compare him with other people

you don't know him the way I do.

When you having trouble with your relationship

who is there for you?

who give you advice?

Have you ever thing of that?

After troubles are over,

you just forget about it
 and
 continue enjoying being happy with your life

I don't mind that
But, you keep criticize the one I love
I'm not fine with that.

you have your ways of loving someone

and I have mine.

People have different personalities

We are not the same.

Somethings we have in commend

but is doesn't mean we are the same.

I won't let this small matter make me sad

and keep thinking negatively 

I will always think positive,

even though in the end I fail,

it makes me learn my mistakes

and make it better in future.

Don't cry because is over, 

Smile because it happened.

Hope for the best ♥

"Hehe, guess who edit for me? 

Ans. JianLin the.Panda ^^"

Yesterday.

I just webcam with her

She really cute.

At first we can't webcam

because msn something wrong..

She invited me to webcam

I accept. She can see me. But I can't see her.

Wuwu..unfair leh. 

She see me twice. xD

Then I tried using my brother's Laptop

Wah. Finally can see her

Stupid msn or my laptop got problem?

Haiz..need to change liao 

Anyways,

During webcam

We keep making faces

and laugh at each other

She got a pleasant smile

So lady like. 

When she smile she like to use her hand and cover

Hope we can webcam again

Cause I want take picture leh^^

________________________________

My life

When friends around me chat here and there

keep asking how was I feeling

after the gastric and flu I have last week

Thanks. You guys =)

After the incident of Joe and the bitch

  I begin to feel that

I couldn't fully trust some people around me

Sherry told me news about Joe.

Since Sherry and the bitch are friends

It turns out that Joe is in love with her.

But being together was acting?

She told Sherry that

Joe is not her type?

She won't like Joe?

Joe is lying or the bitch is? My answer.

->Non of my concern, I don't care

After Joe said I used people feelings,

 compare me with the bitch

&

Scold me and Natalie in front of Sunway Front Entrance 

I feel humiliated,

I can't control my anger till my gastric get worst   

My problems, My Pains, My worries

No one will understand.

As for Sherry.

Stop telling me about your love life

keep saying the things

makes my heart uneasy.

You know I can't control myself

when you keep complaining the things about your relationship

and your problems with your Bf.

Your BF sms me for taking care of you

when you guys having problems

Is not my job, It's his.

I know I'm selfish.

But. Please, please

settle it yourself.

__________________________________________________

The Only thing that cures me

I'm glad..

Bii finally replied my message

worry about him..

So long didn't sms him

because I'm afraid that I would bother him

Maybe I worried too much

but I really miss him

VERY MUCH

Received his message

makes me feel that my problems are gone.

  FOR A MOMENT.

there is so much I wanna say

but I couldn't find the right words

I really hope I can see him again

Even though just for a few second or two

I just want to see him

Sometimes

I just ;

Wanna hug him in my arms

Wanna see him with my eyes

Wanna hold his hand with mine

Want to tell him the words in my heart

Can I have a chance to do so?

Baby, 

do you know how much you mean to me?